Several couples described chords that allowed for trios. For most of these couples, sex with a third person was something they only did together, and many of them showcased themselves. One couple reported explicit rules to this effect. One participant said about his three-way deal agreements: for couples who allowed sex with outside partners, the structural breaks had a particular impact on the conditions those couples put on the sex they had with outside partners. Examples are the condition of separating physical intimacy from emotional intimacy with external partners or not having ex-friends as external partners. structural breakdowns violated these conditions and not only threatened the relationship; They also threatened feelings of trust, commitment and security, because the conditions, as part of the broader agreement, protected couples from emotional wounds such as jealousy and dishonesty. For example, an agreement, such as not asking, does not tell that a couple has external sex, while protecting them from details that could upset the partners and in turn threaten the stability of the relationship. A participant who had an agreement with his partner not to bring external sexual partners back to their home admitted to repeatedly breaking the agreement that he did not all talk to his partner about. He said, “I had people in the apartment, who.

would be an offence. I am just a person. In other words, how couples understood their agreements and their behavior in relation to them was just as important, if not more important, than explicitly expressing the agreement and its limitations. Many questions remain about what agreements gay couples make about sex with outside partners and whether these agreements are effective in preventing HIV. But before their effectiveness can be rigorously evaluated, it`s important first to understand how agreements work in relationships and what motivates gay couples to make them. . . .